It was the best of wines. It was the worst of wines.

As the highest (and only) authority of wine reviews at Focusing Fluid, I spend a great deal of time researching new and interesting wines, all for your benefit. Many of the wines I've discovered are not available to me locally, and as such, I've learned to read as many reviews as possible before digging out my credit card and paying the added cost to have a bottle or three shipped to my home.

Most recently, I came across a dazzling review for a wine I had never heard of. A South African red called Wolftrap. Intrigued, more by the name of the wine than anything, I read on.

"This isn't a great red. It's a great many reds. It's a kitchen sink of a wine that proves the power of blending to even the most steadfast consumers of single varietal, single vineyard, particular block, this-row-of-vines-on-the-left wines.

Thank god they decided to just call it "The Wolftrap," because naming all the grapes here would get real old, real fast. (For the record, there's merlot, grenache, malbec, syrah, ruby cabernet, cabernet sauvignon (yes, that's two different cabs) and cinsault.)

This screwcap-enclosed dear is soft, but not too soft. Fruity but not too fruity. Earthy but not overly funky (note there's no pinotage in the mix -- the mother of all funky grapes). Spicy but not because of alcoholic heat (although at 14.5%, any white pepper you get is likely thanks to alcohol). Complex but really easy to drink.

I would have saved a lot of words and just called this wine "balanced," but for a lot of people that equates to middle-of-the-road, average and, too often, forgettable wine.

This South African beaut is about as forgettable as that other South African beaut, Charlize Theron. Try to have both of them over for dinner some night soon."

Marvelous, isn't it? But with a few more clicks of the mouse, I found this review, as well.

Ugh.

Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.

That's all I can say in regard to the wine I chose for this round of Wine Blogging Wednesday. I walked into Larry's, up to the person in charge of wine, and asked "Which wine name makes you giggle?"

Her response?

A bottle of 2003 Wolftrap.

I can hear you now...."Huh? WolfTrap? How is that name wacky?"

Well, you see. Wolftrap is a South African wine. And it's name comes from the fact that when the Dutch moved into the area back during their colonial phase, they brought a fair amount of wolf traps in order to protect themselves. There was only one problem with this:

There are no wolves in South Africa.

So you have a wine so named because it pokes fun at the Dutch. Ha Ha.. ha...ha...

Ha...

*sigh*

Okay, it's kinda lame. To add inury to (Dutch) insults, the wine is fairly horrible. I should have noticed that right off the bat when no varietal is mention on the wine label. Although I was able to find out that the 2003 WolfTrap is a detailed blend of 7.1% Syrah, 11.78% Ruby Cabernet, 12.4% Pinotage, 45.33% Cinsault, 9.39% Grenache and 13.99% Cabernet Sauvignon. Which equals 100% liquid bile. Those who claim that this wine 'is powerfully aromatic with soft, jammy, lush, and spicy redcurrant aromas and an edge of smoky bacon' obviously got a batch that I did not. The after taste of this wine was as bitter as Condoleezza Rice's attitude towards Senator Barbara Boxer. It tastes both watered down, and the tannins are overwhelming.

Foods to eat with this wine? Twinkies...three day old pizza...road kill.

What a horrible wine.

Ugh."

As they say, your mileage may vary.